How to Have More Desire For Sex - Part 2 of 3

In this episode, I explore how the modern world’s constant glow and invisible hum might be dimming your desire. 

From blue light and late-night screens to the Wi-Fi signals surrounding us, I share how these everyday exposures can keep our bodies in alert mode, awake, but not aroused. 

I also share what I noticed in my own body after moving into a brightly lit, signal-filled apartment, and what I did to help my desire return.

Transcript

Welcome, Pleasure Seekers, to Episode 3 of The Pleasure Files.

Today we’re diving into how to feel and have more desire, part 2. If you missed part 1, that episode unpacked the role of stress in desire and how it affects the body’s turn-on pathways. This week, we’re building on that by exploring something you may never have considered: blue light, Wi-Fi, and your phone.

When I moved to Croatia, I noticed a shift in my own arousal and desire. Our apartment is surrounded by Wi-Fi networks—about forty of them show up when we check—and flooded with blue light from nearby buildings and streetlights. Over time, I could feel how these invisible influences affected my body and libido.

Let’s start with blue light. These LED lights are everywhere now—our phones, computers, TVs, streetlights, kitchen bulbs. They replaced the warm orange glow of old lights with a cold, bright frequency that constantly tells our brains it’s daytime. This confuses our body clocks, keeps our stress system switched on, and raises alertness hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. It suppresses melatonin, yes, but also the feel-good, safety, and arousal hormones like estrogen and oxytocin.

When our bodies think it’s daytime all night long, we struggle to relax, soften, and open. We lose access to the warmth and darkness that nurture connection and desire. Instead, our systems stay in “be alert” mode—ready, cautious, focused—but not receptive.

So what can we do?

In the morning, instead of looking at your phone, look at the sun. Even five minutes of unfiltered morning light helps reset your body clock. If you can’t see the sun directly, look at the sky. Tell your body, “It’s morning, it’s time to wake naturally.”

In the evening, reduce screen exposure as early as you can. I know it’s hard—TV, work, phones—but the less you’re bathed in blue light at night, the more your body can rest and desire can return. Use red-light filters on your devices if you need to work late. And for your home, consider switching to softer, warmer lights or even candles and oil lamps. They mimic firelight, which our nervous systems recognize as safe and intimate.

Cities that replaced their old yellow streetlights with blue LEDs have seen up to 60% higher rates of depression. That’s how much light affects us.

So, in your home, turn off overheads at sunset, light candles or lanterns, and give your body that sense of safety. Touch, breathe, connect. Notice what happens—not only to your arousal and desire but also to your sleep.

When I started doing this—closing blinds at sunset, lighting candles, shutting down devices by 5 or 6 PM—I noticed a huge difference. My sleep deepened, and my body’s natural responsiveness returned. Desire came back online.

Now, about phones. Keep them out of the bedroom. Even in airplane mode, they still send and receive signals. More importantly, their presence keeps your brain alert. A phone beside the bed tells your nervous system that you’re not fully safe to rest or connect. If you need it for calls, leave it in another room with the ringtone on. If you use it as an alarm, get a simple clock—one that doesn’t tick or glow. The bedroom should be for sleep and intimacy only.

The same goes for televisions. If you need to wind down, read a book instead.

One more thing about light: those tiny LED standby lights on every appliance—the red, blue, green dots—are also telling your brain to stay awake. Cover them with tape. You don’t need them.

Finally, Wi-Fi. This is more complex, but worth mentioning. Our bodies are electrical. Every cell communicates through tiny electrical charges, and Wi-Fi surrounds us in invisible waves. We don’t yet know exactly what it does, but many people feel it creates a kind of low-grade “electro-stress.” It tells the nervous system, “Stay alert, something’s happening.”

Wi-Fi can disturb sleep, and when sleep suffers, sex hormones and desire naturally drop. There’s evidence that constant exposure increases inflammation and oxidative stress, making the body’s systems—hormonal, energetic, sexual—work less efficiently.

So what can you do? If you live in an apartment, spread the word. Encourage neighbors to turn off Wi-Fi at night. You don’t need it while you sleep. In our home, we use wired internet instead, with the Wi-Fi function switched off. If that feels too complicated, just put your modem on a timer or turn it off before bed.

These might sound like small changes, but they add up. The more you let your body experience true dark, true quiet, and true rest, the easier it becomes to feel desire again.

This may not sound sexy, but it’s deeply practical. Making these changes can change your life—and your pleasure—for the better.

Lots of love.